Question:
I’m a Muslim and I constantly have this fear inside of me that I must always be
perfect; otherwise I will be scolded at or at least looked down upon. I also
assume that the people with whom I live are having lots of hatred against
everyone and everything. So I feel that whenever I don’t fit into their box, they’ll start
hating me and disliking me. Please help me. I want an Islamic answer from you about how to get rid of this fear and to live a
more relaxed life.
Answer:
Allah is your Creator and His creation is always perfect the way it is. When He
created you with mistakes that you do, then that indeed is perfect in and of
itself. There is a statement made by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
that is worth sharing in today’s topic, which goes as follows:
“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if you
did not commit sin Allah would do away with you and bring people who would
commit sin then pray for forgiveness. Every son of Adam sins, and the best of
those who sin are those who repent.” (Narrated
by Muslim, 2749 and al-Tirmidhi, 2499; classed as hasan by al-Albani.)
If Allah forgives every mistake that you do after repentance or feeling of regret,
then you have no right to keep on looking down upon yourself. If your Creator
forgives you, who are you to not forgive yourself then? So stop beating
yourself!
Also,
you cannot judge other people by thinking that you know their internal state.
Only Allah knows what’s going on inside of them. After all, you always judge
others according to your perception about your own self. Remember that. You
think that they are this way because there are parts in you which are projecting
that. You may have unresolved negative perceptions or unprocessed traumatic
experiences within yourself. Therefore, you should start knowing yourself
better, including all the negative experiences in your past which now make you
doubt others and think negatively about everyone.
Another
reason why people are mad at you is mostly only because of them and not because
of you. They are unhappy with their own selves so they are projecting this onto
you. So don’t worry and start thinking good about others, especially if you
know that you’ve been careful all the time - trying to please everyone. Then
you really don’t need to think that they are mad at you because of you, unless
you really did something wrong to them.
Last
but not least, your rights deserve to be respected just as you respect those of
others.
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