The Choices We Neglect (2/3): Choosing Peace over Fear [Islamized Version]

If we want to live a life that is beneficial for us and for the rest of the world, then we have no other choice but to be positive from the inside, because only then the world can change from negative to positive. This is especially true for the people that we care for; if we want them to be happy and in a good state, we shouldn't continuously hold on to fears about them. So often we fear them to get sick or to fail in life, or we fear to lose them, even if they are in a good state and even if they are with us. But due to our constant fears and negative emotions, this fear will slowly manifest itself and become reality. This is why most people say, "I knew that this was about to happen." The truth is that they themselves have given birth to this situation with their daily thoughts and emotions. They have chosen the negative instead of the positive. They have chosen feelings of fear and confusion over calmness and peace. The choice was still theirs. It is much easier to focus on the positive when everything is good, than to focus on the positive when everything is bad due to your fears and negativity having already manifested into reality. But it is never too late and we still have the choice every moment of life. We can either choose the good or choose the bad. The choice is ours. 

On this note I will share with you a prophetic narration by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), in which he said, "None of you should die except while assuming the best about Allah." (Sahih Muslim, 5125) 

There are many different interpretations and explanations out there for this particular narration, but its main theme is that of thinking positive and to have good assumptions.

When it comes to your personal lives and goals, if you want a positive life, you must choose to select the positive every single day. For this, it is so important for you to know what it is that you can do that will help you to feel more positive, and you should choose to do those things every day, so that your internal state becomes positive. This is how your reality will change and improve. One very important concept is to always take care of your resources - which are your body, mind and soul. To know more about how to take care of your resources, read my article The First Step towards Peace of Mind: Storing Your Resources.

It is important that you observe your internal state and look at your choices throughout the day. Also look at what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. Find out what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Start to choose only those thoughts, feelings, words, actions and emotions which make you feel good and make your internal state positive and avoid those which make your internal state negative. This is the only way to success for us all. When we overcome our fears and choose the good, we will also become more courageous to do things which we would otherwise never do due to our fears, and this way we will start moving towards success faster.

In the 3rd and last part of this article, I will share with you an oft-neglected human need, which is mostly being intentionally neglected and looked down upon by the society due to a number of false beliefs and misconceptions that we have developed about it. I will share with you what that need is and how you can use that to drastically change your inner state from negative to positive. I will also write about the misconceptions and misunderstandings about it and how we can resolve them.

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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How to Forgive (2/2)

In order to forgive in an easy way, it is important to follow the correct strategy. To make forgiveness easy is to change your perspective towards forgiveness. There is one common perspective which many people have, which is often ineffective on the long run, and which makes forgiveness so difficult.

To say, "It's OK what they did or do to me. No matter how much injustice is being done to me, I give in, I forgive, and I humble myself down because I am a good person, I have a big heart and I shouldn't get angry or over-reactive."

The problem with this way of forgiveness is that;

• you make yourself down
• you give others the permission to hurt you endlessly
• you are feeding your mind with a self-damaging and harmful belief that "getting hurt                  and being oppressed is part of being a good person"
• you are settling for lesser than you actually deserve

All of these points are a big threat to your ego. It forces your ego to defend itself and to stop you from forgiving. Here, even if you try your level best to fight against your ego and to pull through with this strategy, on the long run, the effect of such an inner war will unfortunately lead to more harm than good. 

What is the result of maintaining this strategy?

Unresolved trauma and unprocessed rage. This creates pressure inside of you and gives you feelings of anger and depression which will kind of "explode" or show up during the most unexpected moments where you don't have any control over it. And very often, this type of an emotional explosion can lead to even more broken hearts and more broken glasses than if you wouldn't have tried to forgive at first place.

Seriously, what is the use of this drama? Ain't nobody got time to relax?!

So instead of the above, there is another strategy that is much more effective and which will not only make forgiveness easy but it will also raise you above the pain and the hurt. Now this is what makes you a real good person, right? So keep reading...

This is what you should be thinking while trying to forgive someone;

"Whatever they do, has no power over me without my permission. Whatever they do is never meant against me. It is a reflection of their own weakness and suffering. They deserve mercy from me due to their low state. They don't need my revenge and anger because by doing what they do, they harm themselves the most.  They are the ones who are the most hurt. Whatever pain or damage their behaviour has caused me, it has happened for a valuable reason and it has to teach me an important lesson. I will take it as a learning experience for my own good. I allow this experience to improve my own life and to become wiser, stronger and more successful than before. So I learn my lesson, I forgive and I let go."

May you, the reader, become free from all your pains and live a life of joy, prosperity and eternal peace!

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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How to Forgive (1/2)

Many of us find it difficult to forgive people. Very often we wish we could just forgive and then let go of that negative and disturbing feeling existing within us towards those people, but when we try then there seems to be a part inside of us that doesn't want to let go. It seems like wanting to hold on to that negative feeling. Why is it so?

It's often because we fear self-harm, which is why we can't forgive easily. Whereas in reality, not forgiving others is what actually harms us the most. But why do we relate forgiveness to self-harm? It's because deep inside we have this false belief that 'when we forgive others and let go of what they did to us, then we are giving in and allowing injustice to be done to us without defending and protecting ourselves'. It is a natural human instinct to defend oneself. If it wasn't for self-defence, the human race wouldn't be able to survive and develop any further. This natural instinct of self-defence, together with the false belief of forgiveness being self-harming, is what makes forgiveness so difficult.

Now in order to rise above the level of incapability and become able to forgive easily, we must first identify and acknowledge our underlying beliefs and instincts towards forgiveness. Then we must replace our false, disempowering beliefs with powerful beliefs about forgiveness, ourselves and about other people.

It's important to know that people harm you not because of you, it is because of them. Just as the common quote says, "Hurt people hurt." Those who hurt others are often the ones who are badly hurt themselves. And no matter what others do to you, they and their actions don't have any power over you until you allow them to control your feelings and until you allow their actions to make yourself suffer. Therefore, you must first stop harming yourself by stopping to allow everyone's behaviour to control your feelings. In order for you to stop harming yourself, you must let go of whatever feeling, emotion or thought makes you feel bad. Now it's not about what happened or what others did, now it's about your reaction, and about how you perceive things and how you make yourself feel and think about them.

The more you allow people, things or thoughts to make you feel bad, the more you hand over power to them and thus make yourself powerless. When you let go of every feeling, thought and emotion that doesn't make you feel good, then you are taking the power back and become an unshakable person. This is what makes you highly confident and strong.

In order to forgive easily, it is important to follow the correct strategy. To make forgiveness easy is to change your perspective towards forgiveness. There is one common perspective which many people have, which is often ineffective on the long run, and which makes forgiveness so difficult.

To know about this failing way of forgiveness and learn a new and effective strategy, which will not only make forgiveness easy but will also raise you above all pains, read the second part of this article How to Forgive (2/2).

Happy reading!

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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The Choices We Neglect (1/3): Reasons for Failure in Life [Islamized Version]

Disclaimer: This article is about making certain choices which allow us to live a life that is filled with joy, success, love, happiness and positivity most of the time. After reading this article, some readers may get questions in their mind like, "but a life without problems and living in constant happiness seems too unrealistic because we all know that life can never be happy and smooth all the time." My answer for these types of question is that it is true that life can never be happy and smooth all the time because sometimes there are rainy days and sometimes there are sunny days. And we can't do anything about it. The truth is that, we need rainy days in order to value the sunny days and vice versa. Polarity and change are necessary for progress and advancement in life. Therefore, sometimes even if we try our best to live a positive life, we'll still experience negative situations every now and then. And it is totally fine, because only through negative situations we can learn how to be more positive and only after facing negativity we can embrace positivity and experience more of it into our life. Especially when we embark on a journey towards a good and positive life, we will get to experience sometimes really hard times but when we look closely, we'll find that these hard times are actually benefitting us on our journey towards our goals and dreams. The more positivity a person is aiming for, the more negativity they have to experience and learn from. At the end of the day, we are not our own God. There is a higher source which knows better than us, what is right for our best progress and advancement. And that higher source is always helping us to achieve our best lives. So our biggest challenge and duty in life is to focus on the positive even when times get tough and to always trust the progress and remain positive and hopeful through every situation. I swear that the results which you will experience after maintaining a positive mindset through hard situations, will be a real triumph and success. Once you experience that, it will further empower and encourage you to be more positive and to choose even more of the good in life. Hereby I encourage you to read my article Need for Speed or Need for Problem?

Now let us jump straight into the main theme of today's article: one of the biggest choices in life that is so often neglected by us is the choice for the good. By the good I mean everything that feels good, sounds good and looks good - every positive emotion, feeling, thought, action or words and everything that is based on peace and love. The truth is that the good and all its attributes is not something that one can achieve through luck. But it's a choice. It is a choice that we all can make every day. We all, no matter which part of the earth, no matter which circumstance in life, we always have the choice to either choose the good or choose the bad. And since our outside world is very often a reflection of our internal state, when we make our internal state good - such as through good thoughts, feelings and emotions, then our outside world will also change in a positive way. Hence the most well-known verse and statement: "The condition of people will not change until they change what is within themselves." (The Quran; Chapter 13, Verse 11)

This is the biggest truth. And this is also the reason why bad things happen to good people. It is because these people are holding on to fears, doubts, worries and different negative thoughts and emotions. Their internal state remains negative and therefore, their external world becomes a reflection of that. This is why some good people are living a life in which whatever they are afraid of will come true and manifest in their world. But the good news is that we have a choice. We are still given the choice every single day to fill ourselves with positive thoughts, emotions and feelings. And also to say things that are positive and to surround ourselves with positivity - such as positive people, and a beautiful environment.

Once you understand this concept, your whole life will change. 

In the 2nd part of this article, I will share with you how you can start living a life that is filled with more joy and happiness. The Choices We Neglect (2/3): Choosing Peace Over Fear

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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Need for Speed OR Need for Problem?

Why do we have problems? Why can't we stay happy all the time?

These are perhaps the most commonly asked questions by all of us. The answer is: because we need them. Yes, we need problems in life. Why? Because they play the most important part in the game of evolution, expansion and growth. And growth is one of the 3 basic human needs; which are, the need for Purpose, the need for Security and the need for Growth. Difficult times help us in our human need for growth and expansion. Growth is necessary for a happy and successful life.

Now you might be wondering that how can growth help us to live happy lives when it is so difficult? If I want a happy life then the last thing I want is problems, right? Because isn't that the opposite of happiness?

That's true. And I'm definitely writing this article to help you live a happier and a more successful life.

The thing is that the reason why problems occur in our life is due to our need to grow. Now, there is a difference between hardship happening to you and you facing hardship. Let me explain. When you sit around and try to chill and enjoy all the time, and you just want to enjoy the easy atmosphere of your cozy comfort zone, but then all of a sudden when something bad happens to you and you freak out and start getting angry and sad on life, you lose all the hopes and become depressed. You'll also have a hard time in facing difficult situations because you are not prepared for them and all you want is to actually keep chillaxing in your comfort zone - which is so much nicer than the face of a fierce problem. This makes you literally suffer and rejoice in pain. Even though after some suffering you'll eventually learn the lesson which that problem has taught you and the problem itself will be solved one day and you might probably have become a better and a stronger person with new valuable experiences, but then, you are going back to your comfort zone and hope for no other problem to occur ever again. But after a while, it will be knocking on your door again. This keeps on repeating itself for the whole life.

But here is a different scenario. If on the other hand, you consciously prepare yourself for growth. If you intentionally take the courage to do things that are difficult but eventually bring you to where you want to be in life. And if you start facing every challenge that comes in your way on the road to achieving your dreams. This time it's a whole difficult situation. Because now you will not get shocked or disappointed by these problems because you are prepared. You are ready to face every difficulty that comes your way and you take power over all the fears that you have, because you know that behind all this suffering waits your dream life - the things that you always wanted to have and the goals that you always wanted to accomplish. For this, challenges of daily life will not really be able to overpower you because you started the battle, and you had the consciousness from the beginning that you will surely win this game. And even if things don't turn out the way you wanted them to be, you will still remain a legend. And you will have all the rights to be proud of it. To be proud for all that you did to achieve your dreams. And all the priceless experiences that you have learnt along the journey. And last but not least, the strong and brave person that all of it has made you. This makes life more exciting and fun. If you live life with this type of consciousness then celebrating the triumph for your achievements and great victory will be much more fun, fulfilling and satisfactory than the now boring comfort zone which you once thought to be the best place in life.

So basically, if we don't prepare to face challenges every day and take the steps to achieve our dreams, which is actually 'we approaching problems and hustling and bustling to solve them and make it through, instead of problems approaching us because of our NEED for growth'. Problems are a free gift of life. We often take them for granted if we don't learn from them and don't use them as tools for growth and advancement. And let me end this article by saying that problems occur in our life for an important lesson that we need to learn for our own benefit, and as long as we don't learn the lesson and as long as we don't grow, the same problem will happen again and again.

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