How to Forgive (2/2)

In order to forgive in an easy way, it is important to follow the correct strategy. To make forgiveness easy is to change your perspective towards forgiveness. There is one common perspective which many people have, which is often ineffective on the long run, and which makes forgiveness so difficult.

To say, "It's OK what they did or do to me. No matter how much injustice is being done to me, I give in, I forgive, and I humble myself down because I am a good person, I have a big heart and I shouldn't get angry or over-reactive."

The problem with this way of forgiveness is that;

• you make yourself down
• you give others the permission to hurt you endlessly
• you are feeding your mind with a self-damaging and harmful belief that "getting hurt                  and being oppressed is part of being a good person"
• you are settling for lesser than you actually deserve

All of these points are a big threat to your ego. It forces your ego to defend itself and to stop you from forgiving. Here, even if you try your level best to fight against your ego and to pull through with this strategy, on the long run, the effect of such an inner war will unfortunately lead to more harm than good. 

What is the result of maintaining this strategy?

Unresolved trauma and unprocessed rage. This creates pressure inside of you and gives you feelings of anger and depression which will kind of "explode" or show up during the most unexpected moments where you don't have any control over it. And very often, this type of an emotional explosion can lead to even more broken hearts and more broken glasses than if you wouldn't have tried to forgive at first place.

Seriously, what is the use of this drama? Ain't nobody got time to relax?!

So instead of the above, there is another strategy that is much more effective and which will not only make forgiveness easy but it will also raise you above the pain and the hurt. Now this is what makes you a real good person, right? So keep reading...

This is what you should be thinking while trying to forgive someone;

"Whatever they do, has no power over me without my permission. Whatever they do is never meant against me. It is a reflection of their own weakness and suffering. They deserve mercy from me due to their low state. They don't need my revenge and anger because by doing what they do, they harm themselves the most.  They are the ones who are the most hurt. Whatever pain or damage their behaviour has caused me, it has happened for a valuable reason and it has to teach me an important lesson. I will take it as a learning experience for my own good. I allow this experience to improve my own life and to become wiser, stronger and more successful than before. So I learn my lesson, I forgive and I let go."

May you, the reader, become free from all your pains and live a life of joy, prosperity and eternal peace!

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University.