The Choices We Neglect (3/3): The Secret of Happiness

In this article, I want to mention a very important aspect about personal well-being. It is that one thing which can directly change your inner state from negative to positive.

Pleasure - A Human Need

Pleasure is a natural human need. It is the right of every human being to feel and experience pleasure. However, it is very often neglected, looked down upon and even misused. Sadly, most of the people are being unaware of the fact that one of the reasons behind the human need for pleasure, is for bringing more peace to the world. Many people might be shocked while reading this, but let's clarify this with the example of a delicious meal. When people gather to have a delicious meal together, the atmosphere is being uplifted drastically. Everyone seems to be more kind and more accepting to one another and people start giving more love to one another. The entire dining room will fill with peace and joy. And during that time, people want to forget about fights and arguments and they start to remember the blessings of life.

Pleasure has many benefits. Anything that is fun and pleasurable for you can drastically fill you with positive energy and make you feel great. There are many different ways in which a person can experience pleasure. Everyone has their own preference of pleasure, it is not always one and the same for all. So you need to find for yourself what it is that makes you have fun and experience pleasure. It can be anything; starting from enjoying a delicious meal, visiting beautiful places, getting a massage, swimming, playing games, to watching, hearing, reading, seeing or doing things that fill your heart with joy and make you feel good. 

Pleasure is often neglected because most of the time it is associated with immoral, harmful and illegal behaviour. This is the reason why people cut out pleasure altogether, without realizing that there are actually enough of pleasure sources in the world which are not immoral, harmful or illegal. The truth is that, if we don't allow ourselves to experience pleasure in the right way, our body and mind will subconsciously look for alternative ways for pleasure, which are often not very healthy. This results in illegal actions and destruction of the self, such as falling into addictions. Pleasure is a human need. If we don't allow ourselves to experience pleasure, we will get trapped into the wrong ways for experiencing it. Therefore, if we look for ways to experience pleasure in the right way, we will not only stay protected from the wrong and unhealthy means for pleasure but we will also be able to fill ourselves with powerful, positive energy which will in turn make us a magnet to more positivity in life. 

Another misunderstood aspect about pleasure is that of being a time-waster. Someone might say that doing things that give you pleasure is unproductive and a waste of time, and in order to have a successful life we have to spend our time in doing good deeds and being productive. The answer to this is that, when we always work and neglect our natural human needs and desires, we will become weak and exhausted soon. We will lose and fall short of good energy and our progress will slow down. We will even end up losing motivation and inspiration to do good deeds. And when we continue forcing ourselves to work, regardless of how we feel, we will end up like a robot or a machine, being numb and "lifeless". The work that we do will no longer come from an internal drive and passion. This will result in a decrease of the quality of our work. But when we fulfill our human needs, such as that of pleasure and fun, then we will fill ourselves with fresh, positive energy. This will help us to do even more good deeds and being even more productive. This will also enhance the quality of our work. Basically, every extreme is damaging, wrong and harmful - be it work or enjoyment. There has to be a balance and moderation in everything we do in life. 

I conclude by saying that every good thing (thought/word/action/emotion/feeling) is coming from a place of peace and love, and every bad thing (thought/word/action/emotion/feeling) comes from a place of fear. Peace and love are the opposite of fear. One can either experience one or the other, but not both at the same time. So once you live a life of peace and love, you will attract more good into your life and your positive vibes will serve as a protective shield against negativity. In the same way, when you live a life of fear, then this negativity will develop into an illusional wall, which will blind you from positivity, and you will only be able to see and find more negative things in your life. 

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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The Choices We Neglect (2/3): Choosing Peace over Fear [Islamized Version]

If we want to live a life that is beneficial for us and for the rest of the world, then we have no other choice but to be positive from the inside, because only then the world can change from negative to positive. This is especially true for the people that we care for; if we want them to be happy and in a good state, we shouldn't continuously hold on to fears about them. So often we fear them to get sick or to fail in life, or we fear to lose them, even if they are in a good state and even if they are with us. But due to our constant fears and negative emotions, this fear will slowly manifest itself and become reality. This is why most people say, "I knew that this was about to happen." The truth is that they themselves have given birth to this situation with their daily thoughts and emotions. They have chosen the negative instead of the positive. They have chosen feelings of fear and confusion over calmness and peace. The choice was still theirs. It is much easier to focus on the positive when everything is good, than to focus on the positive when everything is bad due to your fears and negativity having already manifested into reality. But it is never too late and we still have the choice every moment of life. We can either choose the good or choose the bad. The choice is ours. 

On this note I will share with you a prophetic narration by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), in which he said, "None of you should die except while assuming the best about Allah." (Sahih Muslim, 5125) 

There are many different interpretations and explanations out there for this particular narration, but its main theme is that of thinking positive and to have good assumptions.

When it comes to your personal lives and goals, if you want a positive life, you must choose to select the positive every single day. For this, it is so important for you to know what it is that you can do that will help you to feel more positive, and you should choose to do those things every day, so that your internal state becomes positive. This is how your reality will change and improve. One very important concept is to always take care of your resources - which are your body, mind and soul. To know more about how to take care of your resources, read my article The First Step towards Peace of Mind: Storing Your Resources.

It is important that you observe your internal state and look at your choices throughout the day. Also look at what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. Find out what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Start to choose only those thoughts, feelings, words, actions and emotions which make you feel good and make your internal state positive and avoid those which make your internal state negative. This is the only way to success for us all. When we overcome our fears and choose the good, we will also become more courageous to do things which we would otherwise never do due to our fears, and this way we will start moving towards success faster.

In the 3rd and last part of this article, I will share with you an oft-neglected human need, which is mostly being intentionally neglected and looked down upon by the society due to a number of false beliefs and misconceptions that we have developed about it. I will share with you what that need is and how you can use that to drastically change your inner state from negative to positive. I will also write about the misconceptions and misunderstandings about it and how we can resolve them.

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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How to Forgive (2/2)

In order to forgive in an easy way, it is important to follow the correct strategy. To make forgiveness easy is to change your perspective towards forgiveness. There is one common perspective which many people have, which is often ineffective on the long run, and which makes forgiveness so difficult.

To say, "It's OK what they did or do to me. No matter how much injustice is being done to me, I give in, I forgive, and I humble myself down because I am a good person, I have a big heart and I shouldn't get angry or over-reactive."

The problem with this way of forgiveness is that;

• you make yourself down
• you give others the permission to hurt you endlessly
• you are feeding your mind with a self-damaging and harmful belief that "getting hurt                  and being oppressed is part of being a good person"
• you are settling for lesser than you actually deserve

All of these points are a big threat to your ego. It forces your ego to defend itself and to stop you from forgiving. Here, even if you try your level best to fight against your ego and to pull through with this strategy, on the long run, the effect of such an inner war will unfortunately lead to more harm than good. 

What is the result of maintaining this strategy?

Unresolved trauma and unprocessed rage. This creates pressure inside of you and gives you feelings of anger and depression which will kind of "explode" or show up during the most unexpected moments where you don't have any control over it. And very often, this type of an emotional explosion can lead to even more broken hearts and more broken glasses than if you wouldn't have tried to forgive at first place.

Seriously, what is the use of this drama? Ain't nobody got time to relax?!

So instead of the above, there is another strategy that is much more effective and which will not only make forgiveness easy but it will also raise you above the pain and the hurt. Now this is what makes you a real good person, right? So keep reading...

This is what you should be thinking while trying to forgive someone;

"Whatever they do, has no power over me without my permission. Whatever they do is never meant against me. It is a reflection of their own weakness and suffering. They deserve mercy from me due to their low state. They don't need my revenge and anger because by doing what they do, they harm themselves the most.  They are the ones who are the most hurt. Whatever pain or damage their behaviour has caused me, it has happened for a valuable reason and it has to teach me an important lesson. I will take it as a learning experience for my own good. I allow this experience to improve my own life and to become wiser, stronger and more successful than before. So I learn my lesson, I forgive and I let go."

May you, the reader, become free from all your pains and live a life of joy, prosperity and eternal peace!

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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How to Forgive (1/2)

Many of us find it difficult to forgive people. Very often we wish we could just forgive and then let go of that negative and disturbing feeling existing within us towards those people, but when we try then there seems to be a part inside of us that doesn't want to let go. It seems like wanting to hold on to that negative feeling. Why is it so?

It's often because we fear self-harm, which is why we can't forgive easily. Whereas in reality, not forgiving others is what actually harms us the most. But why do we relate forgiveness to self-harm? It's because deep inside we have this false belief that 'when we forgive others and let go of what they did to us, then we are giving in and allowing injustice to be done to us without defending and protecting ourselves'. It is a natural human instinct to defend oneself. If it wasn't for self-defence, the human race wouldn't be able to survive and develop any further. This natural instinct of self-defence, together with the false belief of forgiveness being self-harming, is what makes forgiveness so difficult.

Now in order to rise above the level of incapability and become able to forgive easily, we must first identify and acknowledge our underlying beliefs and instincts towards forgiveness. Then we must replace our false, disempowering beliefs with powerful beliefs about forgiveness, ourselves and about other people.

It's important to know that people harm you not because of you, it is because of them. Just as the common quote says, "Hurt people hurt." Those who hurt others are often the ones who are badly hurt themselves. And no matter what others do to you, they and their actions don't have any power over you until you allow them to control your feelings and until you allow their actions to make yourself suffer. Therefore, you must first stop harming yourself by stopping to allow everyone's behaviour to control your feelings. In order for you to stop harming yourself, you must let go of whatever feeling, emotion or thought makes you feel bad. Now it's not about what happened or what others did, now it's about your reaction, and about how you perceive things and how you make yourself feel and think about them.

The more you allow people, things or thoughts to make you feel bad, the more you hand over power to them and thus make yourself powerless. When you let go of every feeling, thought and emotion that doesn't make you feel good, then you are taking the power back and become an unshakable person. This is what makes you highly confident and strong.

In order to forgive easily, it is important to follow the correct strategy. To make forgiveness easy is to change your perspective towards forgiveness. There is one common perspective which many people have, which is often ineffective on the long run, and which makes forgiveness so difficult.

To know about this failing way of forgiveness and learn a new and effective strategy, which will not only make forgiveness easy but will also raise you above all pains, read the second part of this article How to Forgive (2/2).

Happy reading!

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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The Choices We Neglect (1/3): Reasons for Failure in Life [Islamized Version]

Disclaimer: This article is about making certain choices which allow us to live a life that is filled with joy, success, love, happiness and positivity most of the time. After reading this article, some readers may get questions in their mind like, "but a life without problems and living in constant happiness seems too unrealistic because we all know that life can never be happy and smooth all the time." My answer for these types of question is that it is true that life can never be happy and smooth all the time because sometimes there are rainy days and sometimes there are sunny days. And we can't do anything about it. The truth is that, we need rainy days in order to value the sunny days and vice versa. Polarity and change are necessary for progress and advancement in life. Therefore, sometimes even if we try our best to live a positive life, we'll still experience negative situations every now and then. And it is totally fine, because only through negative situations we can learn how to be more positive and only after facing negativity we can embrace positivity and experience more of it into our life. Especially when we embark on a journey towards a good and positive life, we will get to experience sometimes really hard times but when we look closely, we'll find that these hard times are actually benefitting us on our journey towards our goals and dreams. The more positivity a person is aiming for, the more negativity they have to experience and learn from. At the end of the day, we are not our own God. There is a higher source which knows better than us, what is right for our best progress and advancement. And that higher source is always helping us to achieve our best lives. So our biggest challenge and duty in life is to focus on the positive even when times get tough and to always trust the progress and remain positive and hopeful through every situation. I swear that the results which you will experience after maintaining a positive mindset through hard situations, will be a real triumph and success. Once you experience that, it will further empower and encourage you to be more positive and to choose even more of the good in life. Hereby I encourage you to read my article Need for Speed or Need for Problem?

Now let us jump straight into the main theme of today's article: one of the biggest choices in life that is so often neglected by us is the choice for the good. By the good I mean everything that feels good, sounds good and looks good - every positive emotion, feeling, thought, action or words and everything that is based on peace and love. The truth is that the good and all its attributes is not something that one can achieve through luck. But it's a choice. It is a choice that we all can make every day. We all, no matter which part of the earth, no matter which circumstance in life, we always have the choice to either choose the good or choose the bad. And since our outside world is very often a reflection of our internal state, when we make our internal state good - such as through good thoughts, feelings and emotions, then our outside world will also change in a positive way. Hence the most well-known verse and statement: "The condition of people will not change until they change what is within themselves." (The Quran; Chapter 13, Verse 11)

This is the biggest truth. And this is also the reason why bad things happen to good people. It is because these people are holding on to fears, doubts, worries and different negative thoughts and emotions. Their internal state remains negative and therefore, their external world becomes a reflection of that. This is why some good people are living a life in which whatever they are afraid of will come true and manifest in their world. But the good news is that we have a choice. We are still given the choice every single day to fill ourselves with positive thoughts, emotions and feelings. And also to say things that are positive and to surround ourselves with positivity - such as positive people, and a beautiful environment.

Once you understand this concept, your whole life will change. 

In the 2nd part of this article, I will share with you how you can start living a life that is filled with more joy and happiness. The Choices We Neglect (2/3): Choosing Peace Over Fear

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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Need for Speed OR Need for Problem?

Why do we have problems? Why can't we stay happy all the time?

These are perhaps the most commonly asked questions by all of us. The answer is: because we need them. Yes, we need problems in life. Why? Because they play the most important part in the game of evolution, expansion and growth. And growth is one of the 3 basic human needs; which are, the need for Purpose, the need for Security and the need for Growth. Difficult times help us in our human need for growth and expansion. Growth is necessary for a happy and successful life.

Now you might be wondering that how can growth help us to live happy lives when it is so difficult? If I want a happy life then the last thing I want is problems, right? Because isn't that the opposite of happiness?

That's true. And I'm definitely writing this article to help you live a happier and a more successful life.

The thing is that the reason why problems occur in our life is due to our need to grow. Now, there is a difference between hardship happening to you and you facing hardship. Let me explain. When you sit around and try to chill and enjoy all the time, and you just want to enjoy the easy atmosphere of your cozy comfort zone, but then all of a sudden when something bad happens to you and you freak out and start getting angry and sad on life, you lose all the hopes and become depressed. You'll also have a hard time in facing difficult situations because you are not prepared for them and all you want is to actually keep chillaxing in your comfort zone - which is so much nicer than the face of a fierce problem. This makes you literally suffer and rejoice in pain. Even though after some suffering you'll eventually learn the lesson which that problem has taught you and the problem itself will be solved one day and you might probably have become a better and a stronger person with new valuable experiences, but then, you are going back to your comfort zone and hope for no other problem to occur ever again. But after a while, it will be knocking on your door again. This keeps on repeating itself for the whole life.

But here is a different scenario. If on the other hand, you consciously prepare yourself for growth. If you intentionally take the courage to do things that are difficult but eventually bring you to where you want to be in life. And if you start facing every challenge that comes in your way on the road to achieving your dreams. This time it's a whole difficult situation. Because now you will not get shocked or disappointed by these problems because you are prepared. You are ready to face every difficulty that comes your way and you take power over all the fears that you have, because you know that behind all this suffering waits your dream life - the things that you always wanted to have and the goals that you always wanted to accomplish. For this, challenges of daily life will not really be able to overpower you because you started the battle, and you had the consciousness from the beginning that you will surely win this game. And even if things don't turn out the way you wanted them to be, you will still remain a legend. And you will have all the rights to be proud of it. To be proud for all that you did to achieve your dreams. And all the priceless experiences that you have learnt along the journey. And last but not least, the strong and brave person that all of it has made you. This makes life more exciting and fun. If you live life with this type of consciousness then celebrating the triumph for your achievements and great victory will be much more fun, fulfilling and satisfactory than the now boring comfort zone which you once thought to be the best place in life.

So basically, if we don't prepare to face challenges every day and take the steps to achieve our dreams, which is actually 'we approaching problems and hustling and bustling to solve them and make it through, instead of problems approaching us because of our NEED for growth'. Problems are a free gift of life. We often take them for granted if we don't learn from them and don't use them as tools for growth and advancement. And let me end this article by saying that problems occur in our life for an important lesson that we need to learn for our own benefit, and as long as we don't learn the lesson and as long as we don't grow, the same problem will happen again and again.

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When You Try to Control Others

Dear reader! This is an article intended to set you free. To help you find more freedom and have more peace of mind. To help you develop more love for yourself and for others. And finally, to feel like having more control over things, even when it isn't always the case.

The reason why you came across here might be that you either want to have more control over everything, in particular other people, or because you are already a controlling person and you want to stop being controlling. In either ways, keep reading because this small piece of writing is designed for you.

The reason why most people want to control others is often because it makes them feel in control. And this feeling gives them a sense of fulfillment for their inner emptiness. They actually have an unfulfilled need which remains starving. This constant feeling of lack, starving and emptiness then tries to satisfy itself through controlling other people, things or events. But often times that internal emptiness comes from having no control over oneself and also no emotional awareness of oneself. And even though controlling people may temporarily feel satisfying and empowering, but the truth is that, on the long run, being controlling only puts you into more mental stress and frustration. The reason being that as long as your need remains unmet, you will continue starving and this starving causes you to look for alternative ways which can only make you forget about that empty feeling for a short time. And when things don't go your way, you will feel an extreme feeling of emptiness and worthlessness. 

So one of the most important things here to do is to try to find that unmet need. What is that need inside of you that remains unfulfilled or perhaps even neglected and unheard by you. Once you found your need, look for healthy ways that fulfill those needs. Meet your own needs by giving yourself whatever you are emotionally in need of. If it is something that can only be fulfilled by others, then ask for it. Don't feel shy to let the people in your life know about what you need and expect from them. Engage in healthy conversations and try to find solutions for your unmet needs, because your needs are important and valuable. We all have needs. They need to be met in healthy ways, because as long as they are unmet, we will look for alternative ways to fulfill those needs or should I say, to feel like as if those needs are met, when in actuality they are not. 

So set yourself free from whatever people do, say or think and whatever they like or dislike. And instead of controlling others, start to take control over yourself. Start taking responsibility for yourself and start taking care of your own inner self. Give yourself the control and awareness that you have been depriving yourself of for so long.

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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Emotional Case Study #2: Nobody Cares About Me

Client: Dear Counsellor! I don't know why but recently I feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel being left alone, ignored, neglected and as if everyone around me is just being so unjust. Please tell me what to do.

Counsellor: Dear client. I know how it feels to be in your state, but let me tell you that it is somehow normal to feel like that every now and then. This is part of our human experience and if dealt with in the right way, this emotional state can help us grow - to become the person that we want to become and to reach our goals faster. Now, in order for me to help you further, can you please tell me if you have any proof about your assumption that everyone around you is treating you unjustly.

Client: Well, to be honest, I actually don't have any proof at hand for the feelings that I have right now. All that I know is that the people around me seem like being in a bad mood these days and that they rather want to be alone than to be with me or with others. This may perhaps be the reason why I feel this way. 

Counsellor: You are right. This behaviour of others makes you feel the way you feel. Perhaps, you have been neglected as a child when you were very young, which has caused a deep trauma within you. And which is often the case why you react so sensitively whenever you feel that others are not spending enough time with you. But let me tell you that right now whatever other people do is not because of you, it is because of them. They may have some things going on in their life to think and reflect upon, which is why they are in a serious mood and prefer to be alone - rather than being around others. And this is totally fine. Everyone feels like that every now and then. In fact, spending time alone is sometimes necessary in order to reconnect with oneself and to get a clear head by thinking and reflecting about everything and finding solutions or new ideas. 

Client: Okay, but then why do I feel so awkward and what should I do with my feelings in this case? 

Counsellor: You need to stop taking things offensively. Remember, nothing that others do is because of you, it's because of them. Everyone has a different story and is on a different journey. So what you are supposed to do with your feelings is to mind your own business and start focusing on your own well-being instead of constantly focusing on how other people are behaving. It's time for you now to spend some time with yourself and do what makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Do things that make you connect with yourself again and make you feel whole and complete in your own skin. No matter what that means for you. If it means for you to stay in bed covered under the blankets then do that. Or if you can reconnect with yourself by practicing an art or by spending time alone in nature, or by laying down in a forest, just do that! At the end of the day, the most important task for you is to do what makes you feel good again. Because when you feel good, your perspective about others will often be good too. You will be less likely to feel offensive by everything that others do. 

Another important point that I need to mention here is that the very fact that you feel this way about people (neglected, ignored, left alone, or victimized) is a sign and an indication of what your spirit feels about you. Yes, about YOU! What you assume about others for treating you in a certain way is actually how you currently treat yourself. Just think about it and let me know if you understand what I mean. 

Client: Oh yes! This can be so true. When I think about it, then I am realizing that in the past few days I've been neglectful towards my own well-being. Life has become a bit challenging recently, which is why I didn't get enough sleep and I didn't really find the time or should I say, the mood to take care of myself or to do what makes me happy. I'm also finding myself stressed out very often these days. I think I should start to relax more and to just let go of everything and allow myself to be in a more calm and peaceful state. 

Counsellor: There you have it. I truly believe that once you have found and created more peace within yourself then the negative assumptions that you have about other people will fade away and you will feel more loved and cared for. 

Client: That's true. I can feel the positive change already. I'm already feeling a bit more at peace right now after discussing my issue with you and now all of a sudden I start to remember the good things that these people actually did do for me in the past few days, which I perhaps somehow forgot and remember them now only. I already start feeling more love for them now. My love for them is now more than the negative feelings that I have for them. 

Counsellor: Well, the fact that now only you became conscious of the good things that they did for you is because you were being blinded by your own false assumptions and negative state of mind. It was your spirit screaming at you - trying to catch your attention towards itself, and the more you ignored and neglected yourself, the more you felt that everyone else have ignored and neglected you. The longer you don't care for yourself, the more you feel that nobody cares for you. 

End quote.

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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Emotional Case Study #1: Overcoming Fear of Perfection

Question: I’m a Muslim and I constantly have this fear inside of me that I must always be perfect; otherwise I will be scolded at or at least looked down upon. I also assume that the people with whom I live are having lots of hatred against everyone and everything. So I feel that whenever I don’t fit into their box, they’ll start hating me and disliking me. Please help me. I want an Islamic answer from you about how to get rid of this fear and to live a more relaxed life.

Answer: Allah is your Creator and His creation is always perfect the way it is. When He created you with mistakes that you do, then that indeed is perfect in and of itself. There is a statement made by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that is worth sharing in today’s topic, which goes as follows:

 “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if you did not commit sin Allah would do away with you and bring people who would commit sin then pray for forgiveness. Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2749 and al-Tirmidhi, 2499; classed as hasan by al-Albani.)

If Allah forgives every mistake that you do after repentance or feeling of regret, then you have no right to keep on looking down upon yourself. If your Creator forgives you, who are you to not forgive yourself then? So stop beating yourself!

Also, you cannot judge other people by thinking that you know their internal state. Only Allah knows what’s going on inside of them. After all, you always judge others according to your perception about your own self. Remember that. You think that they are this way because there are parts in you which are projecting that. You may have unresolved negative perceptions or unprocessed traumatic experiences within yourself. Therefore, you should start knowing yourself better, including all the negative experiences in your past which now make you doubt others and think negatively about everyone.

Another reason why people are mad at you is mostly only because of them and not because of you. They are unhappy with their own selves so they are projecting this onto you. So don’t worry and start thinking good about others, especially if you know that you’ve been careful all the time - trying to please everyone. Then you really don’t need to think that they are mad at you because of you, unless you really did something wrong to them.

Last but not least, your rights deserve to be respected just as you respect those of others.

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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The First Step towards Peace of Mind: Storing Your Resources

Do you know those days on which it seems like too many things are happening at the same time and you end up feeling overwhelmed - not in the mood to do anything at all. You feel drained of energy and life seems so difficult. Well perhaps, the reason behind this is that you have run out of your resources, which is why you started feeling so drained and empty. You are your biggest resource. You need to always have enough in store in order to avoid running out of your resources, and for that you always need to take care of YOU. In this article I will share with you the three main resources which you have and how you can take care of them every single day.

Your resources are: your body, mind and soul. You need to take care of each one in order to live your best life. So here is how you can do that:

1# Physical Resources

Your body is a very important resource, as they say, "Health is wealth." If your health is good, every aspect of your life is good, because you will be able to successfully deal with every difficult situation or challenge of life. So try to keep your body healthy all the time. You can do this by eating healthy most of the time. Avoid overeating and foods that do no good to your body. Moderation is the key. So you can of course enjoy some of those "guilty pleasures" but not on a daily basis. Enjoyment is important for a happy life so we shouldn't forget to enjoy life, right? Every now and then it is OK to indulge as long as you make sure that you eat healthy mostly for the rest of the time. Also, do some exercise regularly. Even if you have a busy schedule, try to fit in at least a small workout into your daily schedule. Your heart needs to pump strongly on a regular basis in order to stay strong and healthy. Don't forget to sleep well too. Try to sleep on time and get enough rest your body needs. Try to stay away from screens shortly before going to sleep because your mind will take longer to relax after being in front of the screen. You will find a better and a deeper sleep if you stay away from screens for about an hour before sleeping. Last but not least, smile more often to keep your blood-pressure levels intact and to maintain a good mood.

2# Mental Resources

Your mind is one of the most important organs of the body, so you need to take good care of it. Always think positive and keep your mind filled with positive thoughts and hopes. Don't allow any negative or angry thought settle in your mind. Whenever a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate and question it. Work it out and then let it go. Also, meditate regularly by reflecting on your life - where you are at the present moment and where you want to go. Keep your mind focused by removing distractions. Create peace within yourself and relax your mind regularly. Try to keep calm and relaxed as often as possible. Stop worrying or thinking too much about the future. Be more present and live in the present moment. Enjoy every moment and try to be tension-free. Let go of constant control and allow things to happen as they go. Keep yourself flexible and open for change. Try to make the best out of every moment and focus on the present. Last but not least, practice gratitude every single day. Daily remind yourself of the blessings that you have in your life. Even if you feel like you are not blessed, let me tell you that there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. The fact that you are reading this article has tons of blessings in and of itself. It means that you have eyes that can see. That you were blessed as a child to learn how to read and that you now have a computer and an internet connection which allows you to research and connect with the world. Not to forget the many opportunities that you have through the internet.

3# Spiritual Resources

It is important that you keep your soul well-nourished all the time. Never deprive it of its needs. Your soul needs to always have a strong connection with a higher source. Pray regularly, repent, forgive and let go of everything that burdens your soul. If you are a Muslim, pray your daily 5 prayers on time with sincerity and conviction. Make deeply connected prayers and supplications to Allah regularly. Cleanse your soul by repentance and forgiveness. Repent regularly from your sins, as they may develop an unnecessary burden to your soul. Forgive as soon as you find any negative feelings towards anyone. Recite the Qur'an regularly, or at least listen to its beautiful recitation as there is healing for your soul in the recitation of the Qur'an. Saying different adhkar is also a great way to nourish your soul.

To conclude, you need to make it a practice from now onwards to always have enough resources in store for yourself. During hard times especially, you should never rely solely on that which you have at present, but you must be proactive by filling your resources in advance, so as to never fall short of them and feel drained again. For this to be done, you need to work on staying disciplined. Remember that at the end, you have to face pain anyway - either it is the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. It is your choice every day which one you want to face.

About the Author

Sumayah U.R. is the Chief Executive Officer at Inspired Living Counselling enterprises. She is the author of the book The Relationship between Islam and Modern Science. She has a BA in Islamic Studies and a Certificate in Education from the Islamic Online University. 

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